


In the Dark

by thewakeless



Series: Phandom Bingo 2019 [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional, First Apartment, Hidden Relationship, IKEA, M/M, Manchester era, Phandom bingo 2019, Support, building home, closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 04:56:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20886479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewakeless/pseuds/thewakeless
Summary: Dan and Phil decide to move in together.





	In the Dark

"Why don't you move in for real," Phil suggests it calmly, while they lie in bed together, the laptop between them. 

Dan hesitates. It's a futile conversation, he has spent the last 6 nights at Phil's place. In fact, they both frequently call this 'their place' but... "I don't know," he mutters looking at the screen. 

"We wouldn't have to – you know – tell anyone. You could have your own room."

Dan leans his head against his boyfriend's shoulder. This brief conversation has worn him out more than the rest of the day. Phil kisses the top of his head. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Dan replies closing his eyes. 

-

"Okay." They're on the subway, headed to dinner, a cautious distance between them. "I'll move in with you," says Dan bracingly, definitively. 

Phil smiles a goofy smile that's all teeth. "Good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I need you to make rent."

Dan laughs. "Glad I ease financial burdens for you, Phil."

"You ease many burdens for me," he answers his eyes panning down to Dan's crotch. 

"We're in public," Dan hisses, half-horrified, half proud. 

Phil chuckles. "Too bad."

-

Dan is outstretched on the couch his legs on top of Phil, a laptop on his chest. "I mean we definitely need a new bed." They were scrolling through the Ikea website. 

"And a TV stand."

"Yeah with room for all our games and movies," there's excitement in his voice, but only because he has pushed the panic aside. 

Phil hesitates for a moment. He wants to go with the good feeling but there's so much else. "Have you told them yet?"

Dan shakes his head steadily. 

"Tomorrow?"

He shakes his head again. "Do I have to tell them?"

It breaks his heart how young Dan sounds. He reaches over to grab one of his hands and squeezes it because words would never suffice. 

-

Ikea is like a playground for adults. Dan is amused by how excited Phil gets over shinny bowls and multi-purpose tables. It also warms his heart that they are actually moving forward with their plans.

"Absolutely not," he says as Phil points to a big shiny chandelier. 

"Why not?"

"Because it's giant, and we're giant, we'd bump our heads."

He rolls his eyes. "A technicality."

The way he says it makes Dan wanna pull him by the t-shirt and make out with him. Instead, he makes an exaggerated frown. "Be serious or we'll be here forever."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," says Phil as he takes a tentative bounce on a purpose chair. 

The corners of Dan's mouth twitch into a smile. "You idiot."

-

The new bed has arrived along with the cheapest mattress available and Ikea's notoriously cryptic instructions. They sit cross-legged on the floor, drunk off giggles, trying to build the frame with absolutely no sense of logistics or depth. 

"It has to be this way," Dan says, laying out the two longest panels vertically. 

Phil looks over the top of the instructions. "But where do the nails fit in?"

"Mmm," Dan studies the closest plank of wood until he finds a small indentation. "Here maybe?"

"But then the unpainted side is showing. That can't be right, can it?"

Dan looks from it to the instruction in Phil's hands. "God, how should I know? I'm too gay for this." The words come out in a thoughtless mesh, and then both boys freeze. 

Phil wants to make another joke but he can see Dan growing paler, and knowns it isn't the time. "Why don't we take a little break? You can sleep with me tonight."

Dan nods.

"Wanna watch Attack on Titan?"

"Okay." There's a sick sensation a the pit of his stomach. 

-

It takes a full 3 months of cohabitation before the Howells come for a visit. The week leading up they spend cleaning everything, scrubbing each surface, sweeping the kitchen, vacuuming the couch. He has never seen Dan this nervous, or this agitated. Every day new fights creep up between them, always petty, always stupid, but no matter what every evening Dan crawls into bed with him. 

On the night before the visit, Dan is especially quiet. "You okay?"

He has arms crossed over his chest, his eyes staring straight at the screen in front of them, unblinking but unfocused. "Can I say something really fucked up?"

Phil stiffens and gives a curt nod. 

"Sometimes I really wish you were a girl."

The words are a slap in the face. A denial of everything he is, of everything they have. For a moment he feels rage inside himself. How fucking dare he? But before he can even open his mouth Dan has broken down into sobs, his head in his hands. And then Phil feels nothing but compassion, sadness. 

He puts an arm around him, and whispers consoling things in his ear. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Dan says, his head against Phil's shoulder.

-

The afternoon with his family passes surprisingly quickly. They order take out, play a board game. Phil makes casual references to a girlfriend, Dan invents a female classmate by the name of Natalie and brings her up more often than necessary. They are casual, careful not to stare too long, not to be too close, not to pay too much attention to each other. When they are alone again they stay on the couch, quiet, thoughtful. 

"That wasn't so bad," says Phil.

"It was horrible," says Dan, looking like he might cry. 

Phil shifts on the sofa. "Do you wanna be alone?"

He shakes his head. Phil was about to suggest they watch a movie when Dan interjects: "Thank you for doing this."

"Supporting you? That's what partners do."

"You're literally pretending to have a _girlfriend_ for me. Don't brush that off."

"I'm not- I'm just saying – I'd do a lot more for you."

Dan analyses him for a moment, as if trying to discern a lie, but evidently unable to do so he closes his eyes and leans his body against Phil's. "I'm so tired."

"Yeah."

"I don't want them to come over again. Next time we'll go to a restaurant. I want this place to be for us, and our shitty furniture. No pretending."

Phil pulls him into a hug. "We can arrange that."

He can feel the tension in Dan's body. The fear that grips him made physical. "Bed?" he suggests.

Dan nods and takes his hand. 

"Thanks a lot for doing this for me," he says as they walk to the bedroom. 

Phil pulls him back and stares into his eyes. He wants Dan to really hear him, to really believe him. "I'm doing this for us," he says. 

There's a faint smile on Dan's face and he squeeze's Phil's hand. "You're a man of incredible faith."

"Only for things that matter."

They hug in the passage and then climb into bed together. It doesn't take long for Dan to fall asleep, but Phil lies awake for a long time. 

He is 100% sure that he would do this all again. That he would play this role for the rest of his life if he has to. That it is a minor price to pay for everything that Dan brings into his life. He turns over, looking at Dan asleep, and calm at last. He moves close to the warmth of his body and kisses his cheek. "I love you," he mutters in the dark. 


End file.
